The On-Hill Break Up


Many people would have you believe snowboarding is a great activity to do with your loved one. These people are either a rare exception, or completely delusional. There is no faster way to end a relationship than by taking it to the slopes. Let’s consider the options.

Scenario 1: He is good, she sucks

Girls are whiney and wussy enough as it is, then you strap them into a snowboard and it adds a whole new dimension. The girl expects her boyfriend to wait, carry her board, and give her pointers. The dude just wants to work on his sweet moves. The girl will feel like she is being neglected, and a fight will start.

Scenario 2: She is good, he sucks

Not only is this scenario against everything we know about snowboarding, but it is incredibly embarrassing for the dude. Even the most sensitive dude wants to be better than his chick at sports. So not only will she not want to wait or teach him, when she does try to give him tips, he will be incredibly unreceptive and it will turn into a fight.

Scenario 3: He and she are of equal abilities

One of the best things about snowboarding is it’s a great way to get away from your real life. But if you both like to ride equally and the same stuff, good luck ever getting a session with your friends. Inevitably, one person will feel like they are being smothered and the other neglected, and it’s only a matter of time before you start fighting on the chairlift.

Basically, no matter what your ability level, snowboarding together will lead to fights. That “couple who rides together, stays together” thing is bullshit, no matter how many “cute snowboarding couple” photos you see. So save your relationship and your snowboard experience, and don’t even try. If you live in a ski town, and have no choice but to date a fellow snow enthusiast, date a skier.

  1. I’m pretty sure this nails it perfectly: date a skier.

    (no pun intended with the “mail” thing…)

  2. Alex

    Love that you posted a pic of the bachelor kook.

  3. Scenario 4: Matching pants?

  4. SHould get matching SnowBoards too!…lol….come visit my website and you will get cash back on your SnowBoard gear

  5. all so true. co-ed/date sporting just doesn’t make sense.

  6. scenerio #2- if that were to happen..girl would break up with boy because that would be a HUGE turn off.

  7. My wife and I ride the chair up, by no means do we ride down the hill together……….thats the trick. And I never give her riding advice.

  8. Make a specific day for “ride” days

    preferably a day all your boys have to work

    ride switch

    apre big

  9. CptShenanigans

    hahaha, #2!

    i took my boyfriend snowboarding for his first time… he twisted his ankle getting off the lift and carried his board down the hill and never wants to go again. i’m the man in the relationship

  10. wow, this article made me realize that I’m in the best relationship ever!! haha

    but I totally agree. the bf and I are great snowboarders, however we take up our friends and their gf’s…….and it’s a blood bath.

  11. shredface

    #3 should be date a skier who slays. its way sick. especially on a pow day when they break the traverse for you. but it sucks for park.

  12. yep I go for the skiers now for those reasons. It’s nice on cat tracks…definitely one perk of it.

  13. KD

    #2 actually happens… dumped multiple dudes who couldn’t keep up. An ex, who I met when we both were snowboard instructors, started teaching skiing too… then fell getting off the chair in a lesson, dislocated his shoulder, season ender. Suffice to say, I ended that QUICK.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *