Our Official 2018 US Yo-lympic Snowboard Picks!
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It’s 2018 and that means, yay! We care about the Olympics from now through the first weekend in February! As of January 20th, the USA Olympic Snowboard team has been selected. So, based on minimal insider info, watching half of one qualifying event, and stats provided by NBC’s crack research team, here’s what you need to know before placing any bets on Snowboarding in PeyongChang 2018.
Legal disclaimer: All odds are calulated at random and do not take into account the color of the medal. They should not actually be used for gambling purposes. Legal or illegal. Read at your own risk.
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There’s only one woman who can win a third gold medal in Olympic Slopestyle this year, and her name is Jamie Anderson. Jamie’s snowboarding resume reads like that of a female snowboarder in the early 90s, when there were only three women riding in any given contest. The difference is, there are a lot more women now. That said, she faces stiff competition from Austrian Anna Gasser, and several other women who can land double corks too. She’s also in love which can really change a girl’s priorities, so she may have to settle for a different color medal this year.
Unofficial YoOdds: 1:1
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Chris Corning is new to the Olympics, but we assume he’s been dreaming of it since shortly after 2006 (when he started snowboarding.) Born in the Olympic training ground that is Summit County, Colorado, where thanks to his personal drive and dedication to win the gold, he’s conquered injuries and gotten write ups in the local news. Insiders describe 18-year-old Chris as “insane,” “an animal,” “steezy” and he can do triple corks. Bonus, he’s on the Big Air team too! For determination we give Chris top marks, but worry the strange Korean fish stews, Olympic village hype and distraction of doing multiple events may hurt his chances.
Unofficial YoOdds: 25:1
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Redmond Gerard is the younger brother of Brendan Gerard, but don’t hold that against his Olympic chances. He’s got his own backyard training facility! He’s been snowboarding since age 2! He qualified for the team before the final stop in Mammoth, and there’s even been some speculation he was bred specifically in a lab by Red Bull. If ever there was a tiny post-pubescent human to bring home the slopestyle and/or big air gold in Korea in his first Olympic appearance, it is Red. But don’t let our obvious media bias fool you, the kid is something special and with Hondo’s instagram support, we think he’s America’s third-best hope for snowboard slopestyle gold!
Unofficial YoOdds: 10:1
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Hailey Langland is 2018’s biggest triple threat! Yes, you read that right… at 18-years-old, she’s already pulled off the hefty feat of qualifying three times for the US Olympic team. Like Torah Bright before her, Hailey is just that good at riding a snowboard.The only people who could possibly want to win an Olympic Medal more than Hailey are her parents, Geoff and Michelle, which bodes well for her chances because everyone wants to make their parents proud. She’s also a star member of the Volcom team, which means her chill level may just be high enough to balance out the Olympic Stress.
Unofficial YoOdds: 6:1
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A masshole by birth, Jonathan Cheever is the US’s second best hope for a snowboard cross medal. We’re basing this on two factors: 1) we’ve driven in Boston and 2) We’ve seen a lot of Mark Walberg movies. When not going really fucking fast on a snowboard, Jonathan can be found elbow deep in other people’s shit as a liscensed plumber and playing lots of other sports, too. Honestly, this one is a total crap shoot, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Unofficial YoOdds: 25:1
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Kelly Clark is competing in what will likely be her last Olympic games. She’s already won three medals and Pyeongchang will be her 5th games. What she lacks in youthful exhuberance, she makes up for in gumption, the will to succeed and faith in the Lord. If it weren’t for the rest of the US Olympic team, we’d give her stronger odds for another gold, but we’ve seen Chloe Kim ride and the only medal actually missing from her trophy case is an Olympic silver, providing her that extra motivation needed to be the first loser in 2018.
Unofficial YoOdds: 2:1
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Doing it for Danny Davis, the entire city of Bend, Oregon, and the adoration of snowboard-style purists everywhere, Ben Ferguson has as good a shot as any. He’s got the tricks. He’s got the style. And when he wins, his adorable smiling family will be there to support him. More importantly, whether he wins or loses, he will be enjoying some relaxing heli time on Red Bull’s dime come March. Actually given that last sentence, we just decided Ben is going to throw this one and let his boi Shaun White retire on top. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
Unofficial YoOdds: 30:1
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One of two American women on the Olympic Snowboard Cross team, Faye Gulini is headed back to the circus for her third time. She missed the podium by one spot in Sochi, and baring any failed grasser attempts or Olympic village scandals this could be her year! She could also fall in the first round and never be heard from again. But that’s the fun of the snowboard bumper car race, you never know and we’re pulling for this pink-hair princess to stand on that podium.
Unofficial YoOdds: 30:1
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She wants it. She needs it. She’s fricken earned it. After taking home more Winter X Games snowboarderX gold medals than Seth Wescott and Nate Holland, combined, Lucky Lindsey is hoping for some serious redeption. We’ve seen her compete, and we know there is nothing scarier than a bad bitch from the ‘burbs, so our friendly advice for all the other women hoping to win Snowboardcross gold in Korea 2018, stay the fuck out of our girl’s way.
Unofficial YoOdds: 2:1
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Chloe Kim’s chances to win the Olympics at age 18 are good. Really, really good. She may have won in Russia four years ago, but the Olympic committee said, no, you’re too young! So since then Chloe has trained. She’s practiced. She’s perfected her routine. She’s been nominated for an ESPY and won three global X Games. When you multiply her instagram follower count by the exponential national pride factor of competing in her Korean parents’ motherland, it’s as sure a thing as any judged snowboarding competition could be. Go for the gold, Chloe!
Unofficial YoOdds: 1:1
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Kyle Mack has the neck of an athlete, which is probably how he managed to qualify for all three freestyle snowboarding Olympic Disciplines. That or the fact he’s been snowboarding since shortly after birth. Will he win a medal in any of the events? Probably not. But either way he deserves to get a ticker tape parade through the streets of Detroit when he gets home. And we don’t hesitate to predict, he’ll be back in four years on the freestyle circuit and eight years on the Snowboardcross team.
Unofficial YoOdds: 20:1
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If corks win contests, then Julie Marino is definitely one to watch. She landed the first competitive dub in 2016 and more importantly, she knows how to skateboard. If you’ve never heard of her, you’re not alone, but with two chances to medal and a no-bullshit approach to boarding, don’t count her out. Plus, if Sage Kotsenberg and Kaitlyn Farrington have taught us anything it’s that when the cameras roll and the judges are forced to tabluate their scores quickly for live timing, anything is possible!
Unofficial YoOdds: 30:1
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The pride of Mammoth Mountain, Maddie Mastro may just surprise you. She’s not new to this, she’s true to this, and has the coaching skills of plenty of former Olympians on her side. Her first snowboard was pink, and her current snowboard probably is too, and no matter what happens in the u-jump, we’re sure she’s gonna have a blast in Korea. Because it’s snowboarding, and that’s what matters, brah.
Unofficial YoOdds: 30:1
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Who is Jake Pates? He’s an inspiration, that’s who! When not snowboarding alongside the other Olympic hopefuls in Colorado, he teaches kids to skateboard. It’s the kind of thing that just warms your heart. Oh yeah, and he’s won Olympic gold before as a youth in u-ditch and slopestyle, which kinda counts, we think. We’re not confident enough to say he’ll be getting his own Wheaties box in 2018, but if there’s still snow or Olympics in 2022, watch the fuck out Bejing!
Unofficial YoOdds: 30:1
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Shaun White has much better things to be doing with his time and money than trying to win another Olympic medal. That’s why after 10 ESPY’s, ~47 X Games medals, ~69 magazine covers, two Olympic gold and four Olympic games, ~26 scandals, ~1,000,000 page views and at least 30 years standing on snowboards, we, the people of Yobeat officially pledge our allegience to the United States of Shaun and give him our full endorsement for Olympic gold in Pyeongchang. You bedazzle that uniform, grab those boots and score us another 100, Shaun. We beleive in you!
Unofficial YoOdds: 1:1
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