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<\/a><\/p>\nSummer in Portland can be deceiving. It’s sunny every day, there are insane skateparks a plenty and if you want to snowboard, it’s totally a possibility. Life is easy. Everyone is nice, the scenery is beautiful, and holy shit is there a lot of stuff to do. It’s perfect enough that you might be tempted to move here- especially if you’re from somewhere shitty. But don’t be fooled. Portland is really a horrible place to live, and even more so if you’re a snowboarder. Here are just a few of the reasons you definitely should not consider moving here full time, if at all.<\/p>\n
Terrible puns are a part of daily life.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 1.\u00a0It rains all the fucking time.<\/strong>\u00a0Have you ever been in a place where everyone suffers from seasonal affective disorder? It ain’t fun and from November to March, get used to it.<\/p>\n You will be horrible at skating Burnside.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 2. The mountain is far away.<\/strong> I mean, far is a relative term,\u00a0but driving an hour and 15 minutes both ways (sometimes 4 hours if the snow level is low and it’s a weekend) is a serious commitment\u00a0and really kills your whole day. Plus, on powder days you have to get up at like, 6 am. Gross.<\/p>\n Passive aggressive assholes are everywhere.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 3. Mt. Hood is flat.<\/strong> There’s a ton of traversing most of the good stuff is super short\u00a0with really long in and outruns. It really requires calf strength and is super annoying.<\/p>\n You’ll be too busy looking at strippers to get anything done.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 4. Drivers suck.<\/strong> For a city where no one is willing to make the first move at a four-way stop and the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph, the rate of wrecks is out of control. If you ride a bike regularly, you will get hit from time to time, and if you’re trying to navigate the streets using your cell phone, you’re only adding to the problem.<\/p>\n You’ll be forced to watch the X Games while you’re buying weed.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 5. The snow is heavy.<\/strong> This year it never even really got cold enough to snow.\u00a0I mean, that’s not normal, but it could be the NEW NORMAL. Either way, you only get a few<\/em> light powder days a year. What the shit is that?<\/p>\n You can’t even get gluten in your lap dances!<\/em><\/p>\n 6. Everyone will hate you.<\/strong>\u00a0Even though pretty much everyone in Portland is\u00a0a transplant, nothing gets more eye rolls than when you say you “just moved here from California.” Sure, there’s irony in the self-loathing, but once you’ve been here more than a year, you’ll understand and begin to hate yourself too.<\/p>\n The parks are filled with scooters!<\/em><\/p>\n 7. It’s not a snowboard city.<\/strong> There’s too much to do here to really wanna dedicate the amount of time and effort it takes to drive to the mountain. Snowboarding is a full day, where as even if you’re old and lazy like me, there are fun mellow parks you can skate and pretend you’re “exercising,” and still have time to\u00a0day drink.<\/p>\n The swimming holes\u00a0are way too crowded.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n 8. It’s not that cheap anymore.<\/strong> The five-year-old dream of moving to Portland, splitting a house with eight of your closest friends from Craigslist so you can pay $200 each a month for rent is dead. Even though rent has gone up dramatically, wages and potential for gainful employment haven’t. Also,\u00a0while most bars still have beers for $2, a lot don’t!<\/p>\n Even the squirrels in Portland are lazy.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And that’s really just scratching the surface. If you’re looking for a new\u00a0place to live the shred dream, we hear Denver is\u00a0the spot. Whatever you do, don’t move to Portland<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n