Escape from Kamp K2
Admittedly, I should have known better than to go to a Kamp, spelled with a “K” and hosted by a ski company in the middle-of-nowhere Washington. When they used a halfass temptation like “DJ Mullet is gonna be there!” I should have avoided it at all costs. But no. I’m a serious journalist and I’d been put on the media list so I had to go.
I arrived at Crystal Mountain at 10 pm on Friday to find a drafty pop-up tent blasting bad alternative music and skiers playing beer pong like zombies. One terrifying lap and I was headed to get back in the car, but an enthusiastic K2 employee noticed me before I had the chance. I was stuck.
I was escorted to my room, which I’d be sharing with four skiers, and fellow media nerd Mary Walsh. I tossed my gear a top the firm top bunk, but it wasn’t time to go to sleep quite yet. I located the five other snowboarders, who hunkered down in a hotel room filled only with gross snacks and cans of Coors Light to avoid the mob of skiers. To pass the time, Nick Dirks was painting tattoo flash art at the table, while Pat Bridges, Harry Hagan and Mary were reading questions off Trivial Pursuit cards.
—-
The sound of ski boots clomping around and Van Halen blasting from the tent were the official wake up call. We had to hustle out of our cells rooms to breakfast in the Washington drizzle, as it ended in 30 minutes. I filled my plate with bready flapjacks and dry scrabbled eggs but only managed to down a half a pankcake. It was here I was issued my tracking device – a lanyard with my ski pass and schedule.
Faced with the reality there was absolutely nothing else to do here and “shred” (on the rock it was called recreation time I think) was scheduled from 9-noon, Mary and I met up with two of the other snowboarders — Josh from EB and Justin from Ground Zero — and headed up the hill, despite the ominous rain cloud hanging over the gondola. The limited terrain was mostly moguls, with a few long flat stretches which the slush was too slow and we had to unstrap. Even though I was soaked through in an hour, the “shred” portion would definitely turn out to be the highlight of the experience.
—
At dinner time we headed to the mess hall, where we found skiers being forced to mingle over pitchers of Coors light and dry pizza. Enthusiastic K2 employees circulated, hob-knobbing and rubbing elbows with owners of ski shops and encouraging everyone to get “as wasted as possible.” Sure that my tracking device would inflict damage if I tried to leave, I sat through an hour or so of “industry talk” before finally making a break for it.
In the room I found a sick Jake Kuzyk (who’d just arrived), Dirks and Harry watching the new Gremlinz video on a lap top. It was the scheduled “chill” time and we were all happy to get a break. But almost as soon as the 40-Year-Old Virgin came on TV, the door was thrust open with the announcement that the K2 boss guys wanted everyone in the tent. We were lined up by a kid in a mullet wig and K2 shirt announcing, “I’m the K2 intern, it’s my job to make sure you’re all partying!”
We trudged obediently down to the tent, where skiers huddled together in the cold, and the kegs barely pumped out flat beer. We’d been pre-assigned teams for the big beer pong tournament and the MC called out names, “Team Slayblade! Nick Dirks, Brooke Geery, come on up!” I did my best to hide from the calls, but they grabbed Nick and shoved him at a table before he could refuse. In my corner, I found a belligerent skier with bottles of booze offering to make “anything you wanted.” As long as it was whiskey or Pepsi.
I thought about making a break for it right away, but my drinking had already commenced for the day — I couldn’t make it for a four hour drive. We managed to escape back to the room, and sat there stoically watching as Steve Carrell finally had sex. Around 11 pm we were still hiding out when, someone burst into the room. Terrified we were going to be forced to go back to the tent we shuddered, but it was just a random drunk skier. “Hey, is there any beer in here?! They ran out at the tent!” Beers in hand a fresh 24 pack on the counter we all turned in unison, “No!”
I don’t remember going to sleep that night, but before I knew it the ski boots were clomping again. I projected myself off the bunk, pinching my elbow in the process of grabbing my buzzing phone. It was Dirks and he needed to get back to Portland. This was it. My excuse. My big journalistic opportunity to get the fuck out of Crystal mountain. I didn’t care if my tracking device sounded. I was making a run for it. With all my stuff I turned my Subaru key for my triumphant return to freedom. Nothing. The battery was dead.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of Crystal Mountain.
Good stay there!!
You sound like a whiny spoiled brat that didn’t get the right cake for her 13th birthday party.
sounds more like you just weren’t interested in partying, free booze sounds like a good time to me
Kamp K2, that is 3 K’s. KKK, that is racist.
@minnesotanice
That is 2 K’s…
you definitely are a skier. if not you should be ashamed to say that looks or sounds like a good time.
Brooke…You’re fat. And you can’t snowboard.
This is hilarious. Sounded very Kool.
but were there skiiers there though?
wow, cry me a fucking river. while most of the people reading this article sit behind a desk in an office or in the library at school, you’re whining about free room, food, and beers. “wahhh, the skiers were SO loud in the morning and the pizza was dry.” what the fuck is dry pizza? you say the beer is flat directly under a picture of two pitchers foaming over. it’s your job, stop being such a goddamn pussy.
to the 5th commentor/@ratchet pussy
how old are you? 12? get over it, your mom probably skis/you’ve probably never drank a beer outside your basement cause in the real world (and for that matter outside this little bubble of a website) no one gives two shits
no wait, stay in the basement your entertaining
Its called Kamp K2 not The K2 at the Ritz…
How many ski areas are open right now? Who can control the weather?
It is awesome that K2 puts together an event like this at the end of the season to thank people that work in the industry and shop employees that sell K2 equipment.
I have seen a lot of photos and not one frown from anyone.
I guess I did not see your frown because you stayed in your room whining the entire time.
Thank you for staying in your room as much as possible.
Only thing Crystal is good for is to hotbox the Gondola… I guess if you like traversing all day its good for that too.
No way Nick Dirks was there!
must really suck being forced to drink free beer, eat free food and have a free place to stay. i cant believe they tried to make you hang out with skiers. skiers! were snowboarders we hate those people, how dare they ride two planks instead of one?
Sounds like a great time.
YO…this article is BEAT!
So sick that YoBeat hired the AngryGuy to write an article for them disguised as Brooke.
If I would of known that K2 was inviting a bunch of people who use inefficient tools of sliding down our elitist mountain to ski here, I would of imposed a leash law immediately!
nothing like an article about skiing to bring out the best in everyone
Lame – K2
Holy shit Brooke, that just sounds horrible. You poor skank, you should just quit Yobeat and become a carpenter or a regular boring office worker ’cause that sounds horrible.
THIS SHIT IS SO ON-POINT I CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU PEOPLE.
THAT K2 CHOSE TO HAVE THIS AT CRYSTAL: PERFECT.
I’M JUST SITTING BACK. LAFFIN. NOSE DRADAMOUS PUTTING POSSIBLE SALES ON THE LINE BY TALMBOUT SUING KKKRYSTAL YET HERE’S K2 SURROUNDING THEYSELFS WITH EFFICIENCY HQ. I LOVE IT. BROOKE’S PISSED THAT WINTER’S OVER.
K2 FINNA BE PISSED, BUT WITH THE RECENT SNOWMEDIA SHAKEUP, YOBEAT IS POISED TO RISE TO THE TOP. OR WHATEVER. WILL K2 WITHDRAW FUTURE INVITES?
WHY WERE THERE SKIERS THERE? AND THE FORCED GOODTIMES? UGH.
BEERPONG OOF
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
OOF
K2
CRYSTAL MOUNTAIN
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT
JACK LINKS
I DO MORE WORK THAN ALL Y’ALL ! Bricksquaddddd!
Inspiredddddd!!!!
Pretty much sums up yobeat
Can someone translate what “A” said?
i don’t see why everyone’s panties are in a bunch….this is the shit that made yobeat, yobeat. Telling it like it is with no regard. If something was lame and sucked, then hell yeah, let’s hear it! Just because there’s free beer and a bed to sleep on doesnt make something awesome. bums do that shit everyday.
I agree “upstatemike” but from what I see it was not “how it was”.
One photo shows smiles on faces and there is another photo that is blurred. Not sure why. Maybe because the people looked like they were having a good time and it would not fit her story?
Also I am pretty sure there was not a lot of open ski areas to choose from. Crystal, Timberline, and A basin I believe.
I guess it was the fault of K2 that her battery was dead as well. She really pulled all the stops to make it sound as horrible as possible for this story.
I like honest articles. And this one ranks way up there!! Good JOB yobeat.
Can Nick Backstrom, center for the Washington Capitals, score 15 goals in 15 seconds???
Can Brooke Geery, journalist for Portland’s Yobeat, BEERPONG 15 BEERPONGS in 15 MINUTES??
This mass has ended. Let us go now in peace to love and serve.
That k2 intern sounds fucking terrible
I resent that remark. How can you not like mullets?!? gal
So, how many of these upset comments camp from K2 HQ IP?
It is amazing how someone like you can be so ungrateful and disrespectful. Kamp k2 is setup to be like a summer camp; full of activities, mass produced food, and good times. It is not supposed to be a Cannes Film Festival in the hills of a lush community with amazing tote bags filled with goodies. You missed the point of the event, you are the problem with the industry. Enjoy all things and try to find the positive twist out of everything, you should be ashamed for writing this article, you are what is wrong with the industry – complain about all things so you can get attention. This site is worthless.
You need a talking too about “put ups” not ‘put downs” Brooke. Get ready for the lecture.
A talking about SIT UPS
ewwwwwwwwwww skiers!! must suck being surrounded by fagz!
Yo Brooke you a YOBITCH
What a completely stupid and manufactured “story”. It’s people like Brooke and dumbfucks on sites like YoCrap and EasyShitTalkin who are holding back everything snowboarding is about. Freedom. Good ‘ol American freedom. That’s what snowboarding is revered as, celebrated and fiercely held onto, at least in the shit talk circles. Freedom to be who you are, unless of course you are a positive minded snowboarder who uses old gear and is comfortable wearing clothes that are 10 years old and out of you fashion phag’s style range. Or a skier, a goddamn fucked up in the head skier. Those guys who figured out how to whittle wood into a core and those guys who figured out how to affix steel edges and those guys who figured out how to bond a plastic strip on the bottom. Fuck those guys! In the ass! Without lube! You fucking idiots don’t even know why you hate on skiers. Were any of you fuckers around when you couldn’t ride lifts? Well now you can ride practically all of them, so shut the fuck up already. Oh FUCK K2, I mean those assholes were pretty much the first ski company to make snowboards and sponsor riders and fuck them for doing that and fuck them for daring to make a sticker promoting telemark that might offend you whiny little bitch snowboarders. Fuck you, call me a knuckle dragger, whatever you want, no fucking problem, I’m a freedom loving snowboarder who never wants to hold anyone else back from their pursuit of freedom and happiness. You goddamn fucking sideways bitch. Fuck you for going on a free industry trip and taking advantage so you write your smug article attempting to demean skiing and the ski industry. You fucking moronic clown, if skiing is successful, you can bet snowboarding will benefit. If snowboarding is successful, you can bet skiing will benefit. You fucking divisional, classless asswipes will never understand until you are forced to get a real fucking job in the real world. Fuck you BlowBeat.
Yobeat should hire this guy ^. Hes got some passionate words!
pretty sure that guy already has a job…at K2.
I was there and I had a great time time the first few nights, by Sunday i was pretty much partied out, sleep deprived, and ready to get out of there. I totally saw all those lame things at the event but I met a ton of great people at the event and even a few locals.
Kamp K2 like any camp its what you make of it, nothing is perfect and never goes according to plan, especially when there is copious amounts of alcohol involved, I’m not usually a heavy drinker but I was there so hey why not indulge and get drunk with a bunch of people I just met.
However, the snowboarding was pretty shitty and that’s what i was there for, above all else. Visibility on both days was nil and it was raining at the bottom and snowing at the top, but not the good kind. The snow was wet, heavy, super bumped out by skiers, and even my freshly waxed board had trouble keeping speed. But hey it was MAY 18th and I was out there on K2’s dime!
Sorry to hear you didn’t have a good time, I guess we weren’t cool enough for you, except to ask for a to jump-start. Maybe you should just stay home next year haha.
P.S. K2, Stevens Pass next year please!
Ungrateful slut
K2 HAS BEEN MAKING SNOWBOARDS AS LONG AS PRETTY MUCH ANYONE, BUT THEY’RE ALWAYS GONNA BE A SKI COMPANY. EVEN THE CONFEDERATES IN THESE COMMENTS CALL THEM(SELVES) A SKI COMPANY.
IT’S GORGEOUS.
You should have sent Apple to this shit.
its krystal, and its k2, offcourse your gonna have a concentration camp like experience simply for being a “useless snowboarder” according to that ski area manager’s wife…