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Every since the Too Hard teaser included a girl tossing a bloody tampon, it seems even male snowboarders are aware that girls bleed once a month. It’s ok, it’s just nature and it’s what makes childbirth and the continuation of life possible. But that doesn’t mean it’s not icky for dudes to think about, a pain in the ass for girls to deal with, and most importantly, a bummer when you’re trying to get some snowboard action. Between dealing with cramps, being an even bigger bitch than normal, and trying to protect your long underwear from gross stains, it’s probably the most serious problem facing women’s snowboarding today. So as a fellow female and long time menstruator, I’ve decided to put together a handy guide for snowboarding with your monthly visitor.

 

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Medical.

Pat Bridges is convinced that you are more likely to tear your ACL while menstruating. He’s told me and every other female snowboarder about it on multiple occasions, which makes it true, right? Actually, the truth according to science is changes in your estrogen levels make you more prone to knee injuries around the middle of your cycle, which means, when you’re bleeding, you’re in the clear! So go out there and twist your knees as violently as you want as long as there is blood coming out of your vagina.

 

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Equipment.

Choosing the right feminine hygiene products can make all the difference. First off, maxi pads are out. What are you, 12? As for tampons, there are two schools of thought on this one — with applicator or without. The applicator free tampons are smaller and easier to store, but hell, you’ve got a waterproof jacket with pockets, so does it really matter. Best bet, go with something wrapped in plastic and with a plastic applicator, just in case your taped-seams fail. No one wants a fully soaked tampon expanding in their pocket while they ride.

 

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Advantages.

So there are lots of things that suck about having your period, but like most things in life, there is a bright side. In the male-dominated world of snowboarding, this it is a gross and mysterious process that most dudes don’t want to talk about. So, when there’s an annoying dude hitting on you in the ski town bar? Start talking about it. Trust me, they’ll leave and you can go back to drinking away the pain of cramps.

So there you have it. No more excuses, and no more complaining. Boarding on the rag is still a day boarding, and there’s really nothing wrong with that.

This couponing thing makes dealing with getting your period way easier. Tampons are expensive, and it’s clearly all part of society’s plan to keep us bitches barefoot and pregnant. But ever since I’ve discovered couponing, I’ve paid next to nothing for the pleasure of bleeding every month, and that, my friends, is great! So screw you glass ceiling, society and all that junk, I am woman, hear me roar!

Ok, but seriously, I saved 60% at Safeway last night. I got:

2 Boxes of Kotex Tampons (Regular price $6.98, on sale 2/$5 – $1.50/2 coupon – Safeway doubler ($.50) = Paid $3.00, plus got $2 cat for next time!)

1 Smart Balance Peanut Butter (Regular price $.540, on sale $2.50 – $.75 coupon – $.50 doubler = Paid $1.25)

1 Bag on spinach. ($1.29, not on sale, but needed for dinner)

Paid $5.54 for $13.76 worth of stuff, plus got $2 back.