Keep Bolts Out of Snowboarding
My friends, we have business to discuss, and it is of the gravest importance.
Just like wakeboarding rips off snowboarding, and skiing rips off circus clowns — snowboarding rips off skateboarding all the time. At some point we must draw the line, and friends, that time is now. This is a proclamation, here and now, that we, as snowboarders, must agree to never, ever use the term “bolts” (again) to refer to a landing.
According to the urban dictionary, bolts is defined as everything from a Nazi symbol, to testicles, and when used (inappropriately) in snowboarding, it’s a perfect landing — not a tail wheelie, hand-drag or buttcheck. But in snowboarding, it’s also retarded, cause guess what? You are attached to your bolts. Bound, you might say, by those plastic things you strap to your boots.
I turned to our resident skate nerd, the noob, to make sure I wasn’t being out of line. Sure enough he confirmed. In skateboarding, where (surprise!) the term came from, it’s best to land on your bolts. Your weight is centered, it looks good, and your tail won’t break off because you’re a big fat ass. However, in snowboarding, literally every landing, whether it’s a pretty much a make, or perfectly smooth, is technically “bolts.” Remember, they’re right under your feet all the time. So again, calling a snowboard trick “bolts” is retarded.
Once upon a time, we let the ollie sneak in to our snowboard vocabulary. You can argue all you want that the motion is the same, but you’re attached, making it little more than “jumping.” And while we’re at it, same with “grinding.” Even if you happened, so many years ago, to be riding a snowboard with skateboard trucks as a graphic, there are still no actual trucks on your snowboard. I don’t care if it sounds stupid to say “50-50 slide.” That’s what it is.
But it doesn’t have to happen again. Look at the terms nosepress and tailpress (if you call it a 5-0, fuck that noise) — those are two perfectly original and apt terms. I know we don’t rely entirely on skateboarding for our lexicon (that means dictionary, dummy, read a book).
I get it. It’s just slang. Like sick or fresh or tight or any of the other dumb words we use all-too-regularly, the meaning has become blurred. But snowboarding is lame enough as it is, so let’s let the skateboarders have this one. Just once. If we use our brains, and have a little self-respect, we can easily come up with our own slang. Like crossbow.
the butter was invented by Jordan Mendehall. Unless I’m mistaken?
BAHAHAHA!
THIS MADE MY DAY.
ARGUING ABOUT SNOWBOARD “TRICK NAMES” IS AS RAD AS COMPARING SKIING, ROLLERBLADE, KNEEBOARDING, FRUIT BOOTING, AND OR RAZOR-SCOOTIN TRICKS.
(REALLY REALLY GAY).
EVERYTHING ABOUT SNOWBOARDING IS A DIRECT RIP-OFF OF SKATEBOARDING. DEAL WITH IT. EVERYTHING BESIDES GRINDING/JIBBING/SLIDDING AND FLIP TRICKS IS… (pause) EXACTLY THE SAME…
AND YES… SKATEBOARDING IS HARDER/COOLER THAN THIS RICH “SPORT” FULL OF WANNABE “DIRT BAGS” AND DAYGLO BRO’S.
I think all snowboarding tricks should be referenced with elaborate hand signs and telepathic syntax.
Not dis similar to the complex coding used by ‘ Wind Talkers’ in WW2.
jordan mendenhall definitely invented the butter. One day when he was 8 yrs old on his trampoline.
Cab, McTwist, Ollie, Nollie… really? They evolved from skateboarding and have similar movement from a sideways standpoint so why not? Most of you have started snowboarding either because you began as skateboarders or you’ve at least always respected snowboarding so… It’s better than calling it something completely different and then all of you fools trying to say something like “well, it’s like an ollie, but you can’t call it an ollie because it’s snowboarding and it’s really a , but it basically looks the same as an ollie.” Or even worse than that, you all suddenly become skateboarders and begin polluting that scene with trick names from snowboarding. Wouldn’t that be so much worse when you are describing a snowboard trick and then the lifelong skateboarder says “oh, like an ollie, why don’t you just call it an ollie, I don’t get it?”
Brooke was really voted off in her very own YoBeat poll. Had she actually stopped writing though, I probably wouldn’t be reading anymore. She gets everyone all fired up enough to comment and it’s funny.
Bolts is kind of dumb to say in any aspect, but snowboards do have them and if you don’t land on them you’re probably going to break a bone or two. But yeah, it sounds kind of dumb to claim or say.
fire away
i’ve been snowboarding for 13 yrs and working in snowboarding for six years.
not once have I heard someone say bolts and it really doesn’t sound like a big deal. this is a shitty article. Brooke you really are an idiot. no one thinks you’re a good writer. sorry.
brooke is reeaaalll good at skateboarding. ain’t you seen it? she is the skateboard loc dawg and has to make sure that this weak ass snowboard shit doesnt bite skateboarding. no more skateboarding snowboarders. shits so beat. like yobeat.
you are bogus. for wasting your time thinking about snowboarding lingo rather than snowboarding. i hate you for this. you your self are turning snowboarding into the circus act that it is. i started snowboarding because it looked fun and because i already skated. now thanks to you i never want to snowboard again. snowboarding is fun, not a “cool” lifestyle so give it up.
Yeah, and fuck that asshole that writes the n00b too. He obviously doesn’t get how seriously snowboarding should be taken. This is fun, not a fucking joke! He doesn’t even snowboard! What a tool.
AHAH. you’re a bunch of assholes, stop reading yobeat if you’re too dumb to understand it…
if saying “bolts” gets an article on yobeat then why hasnt jeremy jones been shot in the face yet for doing a bakers dozen three-shuvs in the b?
and whoever wrote this article is a total fuck off and is obviously way to cool to go snowboarding with me cause i say bolts, cab, ollie, nollie and five oh.
LEXICON means vocabulary or speech! Not “a dictionary”. Idiot. have you ever heard someone say “go look it up in the lexicon”. Quit using words you don’t even know…especially in a boring, meaningless rant. Funny thing is, lexicon can be found translated as dictionary on the web…so you must have had to look that one up, big boy. My bullshit meter is beeping…gotta go. You’re gay
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