30-Something Reasons Colorado Sucks
It’s often been commented, “Yobeat hates Colorado.” So much so that it’s become a running joke every time we feature a CO edit. Now, it’s not entirely to say that we, the staff of Yobeat, hate the place – it has a few redeeming qualities. Southern Colorado terrain is insane, if you wanna ride parks they’re some of the best in the country, and you get drunk way easier at 10,000 feet. But that’s where it stops. The following are all the reasons the Silver State sucks.
1. Bros
You’re sure to run into your fair share of bros at any ski area, comes with the territory, really. But Colorado boasts a special brand of arrogant, drunk, legally-high assholes. Granted most of them are on probably there on vacation from Indiana, but they choose Colorado! That’s gotta say something.
2. Skiers
Skiers are everywhere and for the most part harmless, but in Colorado, they actually think they’re cool because they ski.
3. Long Traverses
Snowboarders at Vail literally ride with poles.
4. Lack of snow
Now I’m not talking about Southern Colorado, we all know Wolf Creek gets dumped on blah blah blah, but anyone who actually lives in Colorado can tell you those storms are few and far between. And half the time when it snows, the snow is too damn light to actually cover anything.
5. High Prices
$110 for a day ticket? $50 for parking? We’re good.
6. High altitude
Summit County is based around 9000 ft. The base lodge at Silverton is at 10k. As we mentioned before, high altitude is great for getting drunk efficiently, but it also makes it hard to breathe, makes putting on your boots the hardest thing ever, and makes it hard to sleep. But the biggest issue with the thin air is you just can’t think straight, which may explain why everyone in Colorado is such a kook.
7. Never Summer
Oh you make your snowboards in the US? Cool story. Remember when they tried to patent reverse camber?
8. Shitty avy conditions
When and if it does snow, the Colorado backcountry is downright treacherous. Stay alive out there, kids.
9. Rich people
With places that are expensive comes the people that can afford them. Now, aside from the “corest” kids, most snowboarders do come from means, but I’m talking about the shitty rich people. The ones that look down on you just because you haven’t taken a shower in a week and you like to have a beer on the first chairlift. Yeah them. Fuck them.
10. Nazi ski patrol
Cut a rope? Lose your pass. Go fast? Lose your pass. Have fun? Lose your pass. Now, as I personally know a ski patroller in Colorado who’s almost an alright guy, but there are just a few too many rules at the “big resorts” for me.
11. It’s cold as fuck
Oh cool, high of negative 5 today? Fuck you.
12. It’s flat as hell
This is of course, what causes the long traverses, but even the “steeps” of Summit County are ya know, pretty mellow.
13. Texans
They get even worse due to the lack of Oxygen.
14. Oxygen Bars
I’ve never been in one, but I assume it’s horrible. I mean, they have them in Los Angeles.
15. It’s windy, everywhere
Again, flat + tiny little excuses for trees make for the whipping wind experience that is an every day occurrence.
16. The lift lines at Breck and Keystone
Ever been to either place on a weekend? Then you know. You are better off just crushing your own skull under a large truck.
17. The Traffic on I-70
You know what’s the best part of a day riding in Colorado? The six hours you spend in traffic in I-70 to get there from Denver!
18. General Overhype
Local pride is real, so we get it. You love where you live and that’s why you live there. But would it kill you to just be honest with the other people. Hell, maybe it would keep some of them away and solve two of the aforementioned problems.
19. Vail Resorts
Nuff said.
20. Fake snow totals on the reports
Sure, maybe there are 7-inch drifts around your measuring stick, but what you actually mean is “a dusting.” While not entirely a exclusive-to-Colorado phenomenon, resort marketers seem to get extra creative in the Rockies.
21. 3.2 Beer
Yes, you can get real beer in the Liquor store or any of the 40,000 craft breweries, but damn it, I want to pick it up with my groceries, and that shit is 3.2. Worst part, unless someone tells you this, you can spend your whole vacation wondering why you’re not getting drunk, even at 10,000 feet.
22. Tourists on Weed
Tourists are the worst – always screwing up driving, getting lost, asking stupid questions. And in Colorado, they’re all high as hell. Good luck with that.
23. Every 13 year-old can double cork
It’s just not fair how good these little brats are.
24. Angry Snowboarder.
Just chill out, dude. Smoke some legal weed perhaps.
25. Legal Weed
It’s not that we’re not in favor of legal weed, as we just mentioned, but we’re pretty sure the feds blew up Leo’s just to prove a point. Not to mention the annoying bi-products that have come because of it such as dabs, oils, weed snobs, etc.
26. Mountain academy kids in general
Mountain Academies attract two types of people: rich kids who love to snowboard and rich kids who’s parents think they’re going to be the next Shaun White. And everyone knows, we don’t need another Shaun White.
27. Superpipes
Remember when we had 9′ halfpipes? That was fun.
28. CU Boulder
Frat boys, college kids, and all the shit that goes along with that.
29. People from the Midwest think it’s the only place you can snowboard
If you’ve never left the grain belt, and your only impression of snowboarding is movies like Out Cold and Cloud Nine, you probably don’t know there are more mountains on the other side of Colorado. And why would you care?
30. Made-for-TV contests
Oh good, ESPN is in town. Let’s jack up the prices and block off the streets! Remember the Dew Tour, it wasn’t all in Colorado, but it was obviously Colorado’s fault.
31. Long boarders.
We already explained that one. Click the link.
32. Moguls.
It’s a guarantee you will accidentally end up in a mogul field riding in Colorado if you don’t know where you’re going. And if you like riding moguls, well, I just don’t know.
32.5 Vail Resorts.
Yes, we know we already said that, but fuck. Come on, man.
Truth.
This was clearly written by a GAPER that wouldn’t even be welcome here in Colorado with that kind of shitty attitude. I’m glad you like Oregan so much, it means you can fucking stay there cos you sure as hell wouldn’t be welcomed here.
AND I love how you bitch about tourists, but when you come here and do NOT live here, YOURE A TOURIST. So you’re points and opinions are invalid since you’re just as bad as the people you say are “the worst”. YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.
The “kooks” outlined by this article who can’t handle the altitude, can’t read alcohol % labels, have difficulty riding all parts of the mountain (including moguls and avalanche prone areas) and bro far too hard, or have trouble understanding the idea of wearing winter gear to cope with the cold are often from out of state. Cu Boulder might indeed be fratty but it is also notorious for enrolling the allowed maximum number of out of out of state students (accounting for almost 50% of their student population) I think giving the area a general feel not similar to most of Colorado. I agree that the lift tickets are absurdly expensive, but their price is essentially based off the demographic that decides to vacation in Colorado whom commonly buy multiple day passes instead of season passes (still overly expensive). It seems to be the wealthy from out of state have the means to come up with Colorado Vacation Money year after year, and it’s Vail resorts that shamelessly capitalizes on their wealth. When you take a second to look at who is running the show over at Vail resorts; Robert Katz (originally from NY), or previously Leon Black (also from NY) there seems to be a strong trend connecting many of the unfavorable points you make against Colorado in your article and a generalization that they stem from out of our state. It’s not that I am condoning the idea of a “locals only” state, but more so is that I don’t agree with merely whining about problems in a generic 30 reason list without properly identifying the underlying issues at hand so that steps can be taken to resolve them as a means to make an overall change for the better. Call me a crazy Coloradian but I am pretty sure that’s what we did to legalize a once illegal substance. Step up your game!
To the author, enjoy Oregon and don’t visit Colorado ever again – we don’t want you……..I’m sure Oregon will subsidize lift tickets to entitled losers like you soon……long live vail
Its funny how the focus is on summit county. Only someone who has never really spent time here would write an article like this. Summit county does not represent the entire state. Summit county is littered with kids from the east coast that have lived there for 1 season, and they think they own the place. There are other roads that go to the mountains besides I-70. This stereotyping is hilarious. We have 28 resorts here, and they all have a different vibe. There is something for everyone. And your backcountry comments are so uneducated it hurts. I doubt you’ve ever spent a day in the Colorado backcountry. Sure, stability is an issue, but thats what makes it backcountry. There are so many zones and options its endless. Your article speaks of true ignorance. And by the way, its hard to take you seriously when your entire page is littered with Burton ads. YOU are the problem.
Brooke, you are so washed up. Go get a job at Staples and stop ruining snowboarding for everyone else
30 Reasons why Colorado sucks!
“OUT OF TOWNERS!” 1 THRU 30
Brooke Geery you forgot to mention the 50+ 14er’s that will kill ya because of the lack of oxygen! And the 300+ days of sunshine Colorado has in a year…Compare that to Oregon’s lack of sun and it’s just down right awful to live in Colorado! Brooke….you are a fuckin moron…stay in Oregon or wherever you’re from!
Please don’t tell me someone got paid for this…
Also, does anyone know how the human body works? Your body produces more red blood cells in higher altitudes to make up for the lack of oxygen. Tourists can’t hold their own b/c they don’t make time to acclimate. It is not Colorado’s fault if you don’t take the time to do so! Blame SCIENCE!
Lift ticket prices are the only valid point made. Bluebird day coined here because we get storms then it clears and we have gorgeous sunny power days with very mild temps. Flat is laughable considering its the rockies. Probably never left green runs that traverse the mountains. Complaining about light fluffy pow? First rider in history to do so. Complain about altitude and how its better to get drunk faster, then cry about 3:2 supermarket beer not getting you drunk yet there is a liquor store on every corner… my guess is the writer is a fair weather beginner rider. 🙂
Funny thing is, you just completely embodied the essence of the arrogant and entitled attitude points that were made about Coloradians.
Being from Colorado, I agree with about a third of this list -> traffic, flat at certain ski areas, rich folk at certain ski areas, etc.
However, the majority of this list is a joke. This dude clearly can’t make up his mind on marijuana and drinking because there are multiple contradictions, he is obviously a pussy because he can’t deal with a little altitude, and a good portion of this list is not exclusive to Colorado.
On your next visit to Colorado, which I am sure will be soon because you are probably in search of some of the best mountains in the world, I hope you enjoy your 3.2 beer because you are too lazy to go to the liquor store that accompanies pretty much every grocery store in Colorado.
Could be more appropriately titled ’30 reasons summit county sucks’. For a Colorado native to understand such points made could be a struggle for them to recognize when having only been surrounded by these norms their entire life. As where an outsider coming in could contest, these points are pretty spot on. I have come, lived and recently gone from Co and a lot of this I couldn’t agree with more. These points made are most of the first things I learned/experienced right away. Some of the points could use some further elaboration to eliminate many different interpretations of the ‘hating on’ for what exact reason, but to show that there HAS to be a love/hate with many of these points as well, which also makes the point suck more becuase you have to accept its unchangeable. Example #13 Texans. Ya they blow…HARD! but Colorado’s economy is critically dependent on tourism and 70% of ski resort revenue comes from Texas/Oklahoma. So while they do suck at clogging shit up, they do provide an ever changing gauntlet of obstacles for you to practice your nimble agility at top speeds; and you (scrubbing their shit out of the hotel toilet that’s bitching about them)are dependent on their tips too! The leading factor why I had no choice but to leave was the common attitude that locals had about ‘how they ARE the sickest shit out there’ and ‘there is nothing else that exists that is better than them, Colorado is the world’. Funnier thing is, most of the people that have that mind set aren’t even from there. They all came from different states and they are all 40-something year old alcoholics, washing windows for minimum wage, with Phd’s and the biggest challenge for them is whose couch they’re going to bum on next week. The only points I don’t completely agree with is the long traverse’s/it’s flat, those are very contextual statements. I left Crested Butte and shit ain’t flat there.
For the most part this is one of the better compiled articles for what the negatives are in Colorado.
You’re doing Colorado a favor by keeping all the like-minded ignorant pompous pieces of shit out of here! I’m sorry your ex boyfriend was a Colorado skiir who left you alone and heartbroken at a starbucks with a no fat latte and VD .. life’s a bitch.
1 reason Colorado is better than Oregon: this d bag who wrote this garbage lives in Oregon. “Enough said”
ya ya ya, i am lorde, ya ya ya
thanks for not living in CO, keep up the good work.
go broncos.
Coming from somebody who is from neither Oregon or Colorado, you all sound like a bunch of the brofags that this article is making fun of. Cowabunga dudes! Hahaha fucking losers
It could’ve been a clever, intelligent, and funny ad for some other state or place. Instead it was adult-rated rant. Not funny, not clever, uninteresting, and not effective – just plain stupid.
I live in Utah.
Since when us Colorado “east coast?” Go take a geography lesson. Also, being that you are such a hater, you sound like the sad, pissed off person you say people in CO are, which through your obvious stupidity, think is on the east coast.
Yeah CO has hipsters, but compared to PDX, hipster capital of the planet, not so much. Then as far as weather goes; CO has 300 average days of sun where PDX has 150 average days of rain… can you do math?
^ Rides a never summer
I moved to Denver from pdx two years ago. Hate to break it to ya but Denver is WAY warmer than pdx. Was 68 yesterday..in December. Sure we get cold snaps but the sun is a constant and the economy is fantastic compared to Oregon. Attacking a state for no reason is just wierd. If Oregon ski conditions were so fantastic Im sure theyd move the Olympic training center there right?:) Ill never move back. OR is beautiful but the weather and economy is horrific. Way more to do here as well.
The author needs sunlight lol they dont get any 9 months out of the year.
Yes, Colorado has super awesome boarding and plenty of awesome terrain n such but there are so many fucking kooks all over the place it’s unreal. This didn’t mention how fucking horrible the drivers are, I’m talking worse then people from Missouri. Everyone has to boast that they are natives and put bumper stickers all over their cars, plus all the stupid fucking Colorado flags all over the fucking place….like we get it. And for real FUCK legal weed, I paid 22 dollars for one g, 8 dollars in tax (got some edibles too) and 4 dollars for an exit bag that the weed has to stay in. Fuck that shit, I pay 65 for a quad in Chicago and it’s just as good. Also, people in Colorado try way too hard to make it known that they are so adventurous and love the outdoors. Utah all day long
fuck colorado. fuck yobeat. fuck.
All true! For some of us who moved here 30 years ago can tell you, you nailed it. It’s turned into a pretentious, idiots filled place. Remember, Colorado is Midwest mentality with a couple cool spots. Colorado itself is stunning until you add the parasites that moved here from the east and Texas. Terrible drivers and shitty weak people who like to sit on chairlift all day for $120.
I grew up in Colorado in the 60s and 70s. For my money the state is full of prosthelytizing idiots who think they are responisble for the very forces of nature which created continental drift and platectonics, causing the Rocky Mountains to rise from the ancient sea floors. When all they have really done is create Eastern California. I left at the age of seventeen in 1973 and I never went back. TMF.
This actually sounds like heaven, I don’t know what you guys are talking about
silver state? lol
I’m not a native , but for the last 7 years Summit has been my home. I think you have the wrong idea about Colorado, and that’s ok.. You came and spent your money, and thats more than I’ve done for Oregon. I’ve never even consider going to Oregon… We’ve gone to North Carolina, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Massachusetts for vacations, Greece this summer. Huh, yeah all in all Oregon will never get any of my money. I haven’t even thought of Oregon until Ohio State beat the shit out of their football team.
Oh, and keep working on those sweet jumps. Maybe some day you’ll be as good as the average Summit local.
If you like getting paraded by Mormons and having dry counties every 5 miles. Get a life you. At least our recreational weed can take our state out of debt. Oh an by the way salt lake is an overrated wanna-be town of rednecks and “country-boys.” Get outside without gloves and a beating sun on your back.
This article doesn’t even begin to touch all the reasons I think CO sucks. Here’s my experience: The weather sucks—plain and simple. It’s either too cold or hot as hell. And even in the summer there’s always some thunderstorm to ruin the somewhat bearable afternoons. And why do some people think CO is so beautiful?? Go to the southern parts of CO and then tell me that. It’s mostly neighborhood after neighborhood of poor people, dilapidated housing, and meth users. As for the northern areas, let’s just say the snow cover is very forgiving. Things that look colorless, dry and pathetic all of a sudden look a lot better covered in pure, white, virgin snow. But hell, I can get snow in places that are a lot less uncultivated and a lot more refreshing. To top it off, add all the religious freaks, the conservative bigots, and a plain lack of culture and you have what can be basically called a wasteland. In my humble opinion.
What a moron you are. How is someone writing an article going to “ruin snowboarding”? Sounds like you already work at a Staples.
why does everyone think colorado is west coast? its 25 hours away from the ocean!
Literally every person that I have encountered from Colorado or moved to Colorado has been an absolute pussy. Quote from my college friend who visited me in Jackson and was living in Colorado “I can’t wait to get back To Colorado, these mountains are too challenging”
Omg! I’ve never heard a bigger bunch of crying babies in my entire life! If Colorado sucks so bad, stay the hell out! Reasons snowboarders suck;1-they all throw fits like a bunch of trust fund babies. 2- they hold up lift lines strapping in & out. 3- they decorate their boards with stickers like they’re a teenage girl. 4- they have no respect. 5- they all think they’re way cooler than they really are. 6- they can’t even get along with each other.
My article is better! Here’s my take: https://medium.com/@aaron2k/top-5-reasons-to-move-to-or-visit-colorado-175746a551ac
California is a million times better than shit ass Colorado.
Sounds like your problem, as much as you bitch
This is good stuff! Hopefully other close minded bigots will read this and stay the fuck away so we have less people like this author being an unapreciative bitch, which is pretty much what every writer for yobeat sounds like as it is, as everything I have read from youbeat is someone bitching
Lol, the land of poop shows (Ca) laughable. Good keep California and stay out of CO
um…. lmao so you’re saying *ski resorts* in colorado suck. most coloradans aren’t nearly as into skiing/snowboarding as y’all seem to think we are, and also it’s really not that windy when you’re not in the mountains?? there are a lot of reasons colorado sucks for, but none of these are them.
Shoving your views about the state is nothing, but childish, fuck you.
Oregon is better than Colorado in my opinion and I’m from colorado, this state is just to full of idiots, like you.
I share the same hatred of neversummer and I live in Colorado. I’m pretty sure everyone except neversummer bros hate them.
Denver is a pathetic wannabe city full of piss bums and people here are pathetic assholes.
The ugly cunt women in the state do nothing but shit out retards. Fuck Colorado and its brain damaged shitbag residents.
So funny. I live here and hate skiing. Such an expensive hassle where you might wind up with a broken bone. Exploring moving to Florida…
“I am a native coloradoan” whoa let me stop you right there, bud. Are you navajo? Cheyenne? .. what’s that?? You’re not?? Well fuck me I am just so surprised. You should probably go throw yourself off the nearest available red rocks. That will please the real “native” Coloradoans.
$18 NACHOS ,,,,fuck that ,,Breck ruined my pow day by charging me $54 for my standard 3 GIANT ORDERS OF STANKEY NACHOS ….