Slo (Down) Bar

I have really been slacking on this lunch blog thing, but what with my busy schedule, I just haven’t had time to seek out new, awesome spots, and no one really wants to read about Panera Bread. But today I ventured to an old favorite, Slo Bar. What I didn’t take into consideration was this:


Yeah, that’s my favorite meal in Portland on the cover of the magazine read by all the wealthy and obnoxious Lake Oswego-types. So I go in, order my burger, and sit back excited to dine in the company of a few hipsters. But then I notice the people walking in. Three old ladies who are very confused about the parking situation. Some douche bag in a suit and tie who works “three blocks away and didn’t even know this place was here.” I hear the bartender tell another patron that the previous record of 1000 burgers in one month had been shattered by the 11th of June. Suddenly I remember pointing at the cover on the newsstand and saying “Yum, Slo Burger” and it all makes sense.

I made sure to let the bartender know I liked Slo Bugers “before they were cool” and he said they’d been getting that a lot lately. But it made me feel a little better, I guess.

Part of me is stoked. No more will I have to hear, “I am not hip enough to go to Slo Bar.” But also no longer will I be able to saunter in in the evening, sit right down and get my burger. I will have to hear a million stupid questions about the burgers, and how people can customize them. I will have to share the bar with old ladies and men in suits. I will have to feel like I am a giant cliche. All in all it will suck. But the worst part will be when they raise the price to $15. Stupid Portland Monthly.

  1. slingshot

    that entire post is far more obnoxious than any suburban driving suburbanite. i invented hamburgers, therefore, i’m way cooler than you.

  2. Jared

    They need to offer the onion rings as a side order. Until they do I am boycotting.

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