Writing – Photos – Travel – Crafts

On January 29th I received an email from notorious Yobeat commenter and intern guide at Silverton Mountain in Colorado, KC Kyle.

“Brooke. Get to Silverton ASAP…. over 50” since last saturday. Mark Landvick and Pat Moore were here today just checking stuff out. Blew their minds.”

This season I have made it a goal to snowboard as much as possible, which for a questionably-employed person such as me is easier said than done. I’m shooting for 100 days (no bragging), which may be unrealistic while simultaneously running the Internet, but whatever, I’m going for it. So when this email arrived as I was boarding a plane for Denver, I couldn’t resist. My response was simply an itinerary for a flight to Durango with the cautionary note, “be careful what you wish for.”

Just in case you don’t know anything about Silverton, this video featuring Shaun White should explain it.

Phew, that saved me a lot of words. And it was pretty much like that, except it felt less staged and people were drinking more beer than Red Bull — for the record even 3.2 Coors Light is strong at 11,000 feet. Life in the Colorado wilderness (and it is remote as fuck) is far from easy, but that’s just the way the locals like it. It keeps out the riff raff, which in hindsight, is amazing they invited me in the first place!

The real deal at Silverton Mountain is this: don’t be an idiot. It’s not a cushy “resort,” and the town itself is more of a summer attraction. In the winter it’s just a few die hards, some ice climbers and the staff of Silverton Mountain. If you have a sled there’s no shortage of gnarly backcountry terrain, but the avalanche danger is high and the hero factor even higher.

IMG_7410
This is the chairlift. The only one.

The first night, Kyle had me convinced I would probably die. He didn’t say it in so many words, but tales of an avalanche that day (by some people skiing away from the resort), a mention that the house was 100 years old and only heated by a wood stove, and stories about the dangers of his job had me convinced I’d made a mistake coming here.

When I woke up for my one and only day riding at Silverton Mountain, the house was still warm and Kyle’s two huskies hadn’t chewed up my camera gear. We were off to a good start. In the base-tent I met some east coasters who knew about Yobeat and talked me into springing for the heli drop. It wasn’t hard — I can think of a lot worse things to spend the money on. And I was doing it.

IMG_7469
If you like to hike and stuff, Silverton is your jam!

They also meticulously patrol the inbounds backcountry of the resort, and give you a guide who actually knows a thing or two. For an inherently dangerous activity, and backcountry boarding, it’s pretty much as safe as you can get being super extreme. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T DIE.

Unfortunately I wasn’t the only one to hear the news of 55 inches, and it was day 4 after the storm, so there were definitely some tracks. It wasn’t the blower pow my pal Shaun White showed me and the light was kind of flat. Don’t read that as a complaint, it’s not. And on the last run of the day, our guide Jess took us down “Delores,” a gully that sees no sun and hadn’t been open until just then. Insert face shots here.

This is what happens when you go for the heli ride (with A-man voice over for dramatic effect.)

Silverton is only open Thursday-Sunday (unless you wanna rent out the whole place) so on Monday I offered to take Kyle to check out Durango Mountain, otherwise known as Purgatory. On the first lift up we rode with a guy who managed to tell us his whole life story in 5 minutes, and also offered to show us his favorite run “if we could keep up.” During his story he used the expression “no bragging” a few times, which soon entered by lexicon on a regular basis. You may have even read it above.

IMG_2884
Basically the best trick that either Kyle or I can do. Whatever.

Purgatory was a groomed paradise, with the exception of the endless traverses, but Kyle was so excited to not be working and riding sans beacon or any hiking, he was even willing to hit the somewhat-scary park jumps. He’s good like that. At the end of the day I was still alive, which means all those premonitions of certain death in Southern Colorado were probably just the weed.

That said, if you want to scare yourself, prove something, or otherwise have a different snowboard experience, go to Southern Colorado. You don’t even have to stay with ski bums, they have hotels and stuff.

Thanks to Silverton Mountain, Purgatory, KC Kyle and his roomies, and the Internet for making this story possible. Sorry I only took one snowboard photo, but not really.

NWisbetterART

Thanks to the Internet, you’ve probably been seeing lots of footage and photos from places like Mt. Hood and Mt. Baker that look pretty good. And you’ve probably heard rumors that all we do is ride pow and drink cheap beer here. As an honorary NW local, I’d just like to put it out there that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. These are just a few of the reasons you’ll come to regret coming here, so don’t say we didn’t warn you.

1. Riding powder is  exhausting.

NWbetter1-01

With the exception of a couple weeks of Jun-uary, there’s almost always powder to be had. All that steep and deep can be really tiring. A few days after the storm, you might even have to hike up to a half hour off of the chairlift to find some. It’s awful.

2. There are more snowboarders than skiers.

NWbetter2-01

That’s right. While the LA times says snowboarding is over and even the Yobeat comment boards seem to be turning into a ski love fest lately, in the Northwest snowboarders still greatly outnumber skiers. As you’ve probably heard, those knuckle draggers are nothing but trouble. They turn quickly with no notice, and scrape all the snow off the trails!

3. Jobs are scarce.

NWbetter3-01

Basically the only employers of note here are snowboard companies or shoe giants. You’ll probably end up having to take some poor paying job in the snowboard industry, or become a corporate shill who only flies first class, like an asshole.

4. It doesn’t snow in the city.

NWbetter4-01

You never get to enjoy the fun of scraping your windshield, or digging off the driveway. How are you supposed to stay tough and in shape? Oh, and on the off chance it does snow, everyone freaks out, stays home, and you have to fend for yourself on the streets.

5. Strippers.

NWbetter5-01

These unsavory creatures are EVERYWHERE! They’re tattooed, naked and willing to do just about anything for a dollar. The seediness is almost culturally acceptable here — how will you ever remain a “good person” with that influence?

6. You’ll have to snowboard year-round.

NWbetter6-01

Your chances of getting burnt out on boarding are high. With powder all winter, sunny park days in the spring, the Mt. Hood summer camp circus in the summer, and Palmer laps with just a few of the other hardcores in the fall, it’s also nearly impossible to get anything else done.

7. You will get fat.

NWbetter11-01

Some of the world’s best seafood comes out of the nearby ocean, everything grows like magic, and some of the best chefs in the world seemingly work as line cooks at dive bars. Between the $1 PBR’s and this former fact, stuffing your face is inevitable and before you know it, those skinny jeans will be EXTRA SKINNY.

8. You will be forced to skateboard.

NWbetter7-01

There are skateparks everywhere. And not just pre fab pieces of crap, but hand crafted concrete masterpieces. It’s impossible not to occasionally get on a board and cruise around and do you know how dangerous skateboarding is!? Before you know it, you’ll be wearing a helmet and knee pads too!

9.  You will be forced to snowboard with your heroes.

NWbetter8-01

For whatever reason, many of the best snowboarders of all time have decided to make Washington and Oregon home, and chances are you’ll end up on a run with one of them eventually. The performance pressure is really a bummer — I mean, how embarrassing is it to miss your grab when Peter Line is watching?

10. Yobeat is here.

NWbetter10-01

And we all know those guys suck.

In the midst of a holiday weekend, it can be hard for a jaded locals such as ourselves motivate for the bumper-to-bumper drive to the mountain. Sure, if we just got up early and just made it happen, we would have been riding pow and having a blast in the rarest of cold, bluebird conditions at Mt. Hood, but when it’s bluebird at the mountain, that means it’s also dry in town. On December 29th, this was the exact case, so my surrogate child Joey Carnera and I took a break from strapping in went on a little skate mission. On our second stop, simply by chance, we discovered a benefit BBQ going on at the Brooklyn Street Skate Spot, a DIY wonderland in Portland’s Brooklyn neighborhood.

Colin from Unhead PDX was cooking up burgers, the local heroes were shredding, and goddamn was it photogenic. The whole thing was a benefit to raise money to continue to add on to the park, and any time someone donated any amount — from 90 cents to $100, they would get a thank you call out on the mic. There were a few impropmtu best trick contests, a bunch of money was raised, concrete was shredded and free burgers were enjoyed. Lets just say it was a nice little Saturday.

Also, this happened:

If you live in Portland and skate this spot and enjoy it, you can always donate money at http://skateportland.org/

Being “cool” in the 21st century is a tricky thing. As “core” snowboarders, we grapple with it daily. Just read the comment sections on this site and you’ll see, snowboarding is a competitive fashion show masked as a “sport” and parading as a fun activity. But why? Why are we so concerned about the size of each other’s pants or the straightness of a boardslide?

In a recent article in the New York Times Princeton French professor Christy Wampole hits the nail on the head of what is actually the much bigger plight of an entire generation. Millennials, born in the 80s and 90s. are are growing up and coming to terms with the fact that they are becoming real life adults. Their coping mechanism: 100% irony. After reading every word of this nearly 2000 word article (too long for the next generation of kids raised on Myspace wall posts and facebook) I had an epiphany. Snowboarding’s growing pains are just like the crisis of ironic living, but rather than hating the “Hipsters,” those in snowboarding put their misplaced disgust on the “Joeys,” blaming them for crowding the hill and “ruining our sport,” a great irony in and of itself.

Wampole explains:

Throughout history, irony has served useful purposes, like providing a rhetorical outlet for unspoken societal tensions. But our contemporary ironic mode is somehow deeper; it has leaked from the realm of rhetoric into life itself. This ironic ethos can lead to a vacuity and vapidity of the individual and collective psyche…

In smaller words, Irony can be a plague, and it can drag you down with it. And there’s nothing more ironic than being a “cool” snowboarder.

Think about the “Joey” or “Chad” or “kook.” Go ride on a weekend and they are on every intermediate trail and mountain base lodge. They completely disregard fashion, new equipment, or what’s cool. They rock GoPros on every mount imaginable, jeans and starter jackets, giant mittens with T-shirts, and are out there for one reason: to have a damn good time. They ride for a few hours, parade in at noon for lunch like lemmings, take another run or two then retire to the bar. There’s a good chance they fall getting off the lift.

But those poorly outfitted, low-skilled weekend warriors are boarding irony-free. They are doing it 100% because it is a fun way to spend a day. Meanwhile, the most ironic of all boarders, the cool kids, are too busy worry about their pants being over their highbacks, they don’t wanna admit that they might just be kindred spirits. Or worse, someday that Joey might ride enough to become one of them.

So ask yourself, when did this happen for you? If you consider yourself a “core” snowboarder, think about what that means. You follow trends, you know what tricks are cool and which are super lame, and you probably have left a hate comment on the Internet. But you’ve also fallen getting off the lift (more recently than you like to admit), gotten a little too excited about ‘gramming your friends while they board, and dropped your glove mid-trail or off the lift. Are you really that much better than the “Joey?” Really?

Wampole explains it like this:

“Obviously, hipsters (male or female) produce a distinct irritation in me, one that until recently I could not explain. They provoke me, I realized, because they are, despite the distance from which I observe them, an amplified version of me.”

If you replace the word hipster with Joey, it becomes much more clear. We’re all just Joey’s, out there, having a good time. Two wise men once said, “If it’s not fun, why do it,” so as snowboarding’s ultimate ironic hipsters we say: At the end of the day, we were all Joey’s once, and realistically we all still are, so get out there, board and remember, no matter how tight or loose our pants get we’ll still never be as cool as skateboarding. Get over yourself and just have fun.

Read the inspiration for this rant here.

On Friday September 28th some snowboard premieres happened (probably more than just two, in fact) but on the West Coast, Seattle and Los Angeles were the places to be. Sarah Morrison hung in LA, while Brooke and Jared went to Seattle and if you stayed home, read on and you can feel like you were at both!

First up, we head south to LA…

Mountain High’s first full length snowboard film Los Angeles premiered alongside Think Thank’s Mind the Video Man at the historic Downtown Independent Theater in the snowboard mecca that is downtown Los Angeles. The event had completely sold out two screenings at 10 dollars a ticket, which resulted in everyone having to stand in a really long line for a really long time.

The historic Downtown Independent Theater had both intense lighting and intense snacks.

I got some.

Then I dropped them.

Soon it was premiere time. Think Thank’s Mind the Man started out the faux-snow-filled Southern California evening. The film could have used some additional scenery, but the weird rails, front flips and binding-less fun kept the audience yelling stuff at the screen.

After a brief intermission, it was the dawn of Mountain High’s Los Angeles. The well-soundtracked film cut between the riders walking around in scenic sunny Los Angeles and them doing crazy stuff on rails and off jumps at Mountain High. Mountain High is Los Angeles’ closest winter resort and this press point was driven home to musical perfection with Phantom Planet’s California, aka the OC theme song, as the film came to a close and its credits rolled.

There was Craft Beer.

And more Craft Beer

An ATM…

And posters to hang on your bedroom wall.

Oh and street art. Bad street art.

Mountain High Freedom Passes are only $299. I think I might get one.

Hondo was encouraging event attendees in the theater to go home and watch the Mountain High movie on Transworld on their laptops instead.

Brad Farmer made this movie happen, and Nick Visconti wore a Yobeat shirt.

Look how much fun everyone is having! Cronk, Doug, Donald and Hondo

Mmm. Beer. Kyle Loppicolo and Trevor Haas enjoy.

Meanwhile in Seattle…

I (Brooke) when to the Think Thank/Dinosaurs Will Die premiere. Think Thank was the headliner at The Pirahana shop, a surf shop by day, empty room with a screen at night, but as it turned out, if you actually wanted to watch the movies, the early showing was the place to be. We arrived a bit before the 21+ show to find everyone sitting in an orderly fashion, eyes glued on the last few parts of Mind the Video Man. Needless to say once they kicked out the kids and opened the bar, things became much less civilized.

Having already watched Think Thank’s movie, the real attraction, at least for me, was the DWD Team Flick. Unfortunately, the standing-room-only crowd and my short stature made it quite difficult to see. It didn’t help that Sean Tedore spent most of the movie telling me about the 90s backcountry parts that were way better than what was coming out today. Anyway, I’ve got the DVD and a real review is coming soon.

Jesse Burtner did his best to keep everyone in line.

An absurd number of Chris’s were there. Here’s Brewster and Cloud (not pictured: Beresford.)

Most of the 21+ crowd was too cool for autographs, but I totally got one from Sean Genovese.

The new issue of Frequency (modeled by John Laing and Krush Kulesza) was hot off the presses. I touched it though and it felt room temperature.

Snowboarding’s cutest couple Leanne Pelosi and Jeff Keenan came down from the Great White North.

Sean Tedore and Chris Beresford are still friends even though Tedore left K2.

The remaining Tranny Finders in Seattle wouldn’t miss this for the world!

And while he may not be as high profile as Nick Visconti, Tim Zimmerman was also proudly waving the Yobeat flag.

So there you have it, two Think Thank Premieres in one night and very little information about the actual movies. Deal with it.

My main source of information, Instagram, has led me to believe everyone who’s anyone is headed to, or in, Alaska right now. For the majority of Yobeat readership, this may not sound that exciting as the park boxes are limited, but we’re pretty sure spring in Alaska is the coolest, especially since it’s the one of only places in America that really got snow this year. So for those of you interested in some man shit and an extended season, we say, get your ass to AK! Here are some ideas for how to get there. Please note: we’ve done no actual research and are simply making assumptions based on instagram.

The Laura Hadar Approach


Follow her: @hadeslife

Mama Hades is super in touch with nature and has opted to take a ferry to Alaska. Apparently, renting a sleeping cabin was either too expensive or too boring, so instead, she’s spending the multi day ride in a tent. You really can’t beat the view.

The Andrew Burns Approach


Follow Burnsy: @burnshimself

Burnsy lives in a moving house, which means, he probably just drove it up there.* If your house moves, we would recommend this method in spite of sky high gas prices. That way, you can make fun of all the sissies who took airplanes up there, and you have a mode of transportation for negotiating the vast Alaskan wilderness as well as a place to stay.

* Upon further inspection we’ve determined Burns actually took the ferry too. Whatever.

The ThinkThank Approach


follow the fun: @think_thank

Despite being known for their next level jibbing, many members of the ThinkThank crew are actually Alaska bred. We have to assume they’re taking the good old fashioned approach: getting their parents (or in this case sponsors) to buy them a plane ticket. Be sure to bring your own cones and other props, you never know what will be available in the final frontier.

The Tailgate AK Approach


@Shayboarder is at Tailgate AK. Are you?

If solitude and loneliness aren’t your bag, then maybe AK isn’t for you. Or maybe you need to get your ass up there for Tailgate AK next week. That way, if the snowboarding is too scary, you can hang out and drink instead.

The A-Lister Approach


@lucasdebari sends it in Haines. Photo by @ejackshreds

When you’re a member of the 1% and your big time sponsor pays for everything, first class is the only way to go. Once you get there, it’s more heli rides and maybe a day or two slumming it on your sled. And of course, get a top photog and videog to cature all the action!

Or if all of these ways sound too hard or out of reach, you can always just live vicariously through instragram.

You may not know, but Nick Lipton has a big boy job in the big city of Chicago. Sadly, long hours and no car or shred buddies have prevented him from actually snowboarding since moving there in fall 2010. But this week, Lipton is back in Oregon for a shred odyssey, and we kicked things off right, at Ski Bowl. Here’s how it all went down.

4:38 am Calls me drunk to tell me he doesn’t have boots or bindings.

5:22 Texts to say he is officially missing 3/4 of the required gear to snowboard.

9 sound asleep

10 sound asleep

10:36 sound asleep

10:45
Finally wakes up on the floor of his parent’s living room in a Ninja Suit. Juno dvd menu still playing. Decides on night riding.

10:50 Starts getting ready to come over.

11:30 Tests out the Ninja Suit poop flap. Decides it pinches a little.

12:09 Finds boots.

1:20 Shows up at my house, dressed in snowboard gear, Austin Will in tow.

1:56 Austin accuses Nick of pulling a major Jarad Hadi. Nick disagrees.

2:01 Announces in genuine disgust, “you know what makes me wanna drive, hamsters driving,” in regards to the Kia commercial on TV.

2:09 New board finally set up.

2:16 On the road.

2:21 Stops for gas. Go inside to see if “any of his work is in the convenience store.”

2:34
Realizes he is afraid of trees.

3:05 Joe’s Donut stop.

3:13 Buys Sno Park permit. Has immediate buyer regret for getting the day pass, not the annual one for $25.

4:03 Debates turning around to go home. Starts dreading putting on boots.

4:13 Arrives at Ski Bowl.

4:19 Has been complaining about putting on boots for six minutes. Determines snowboarding is gay.

4:30 Buys a ticket. Has trouble affixing it.

4:32 Preps for stunting. Wonders why people need edges.

4:40 Maybe on the lift.

4:41 Realizes he forgot his gloves in the rental stop.

4:42 Sees bunny. Decides it’s all worth it.

4:53 First run complete.

5:28 Successfully negotiates his first rail.

5:40 Makes thug gesture and announces, “still got it,”


Filmed exclusively with my iPhone

5:55 Decides he and Austin are probably the best people on the mountain.

6:10 Realizes it’s only 6:10.

6:12 I tell him the high back of his Rome lady bindings is broken. He decides that’s why he’s probably not riding as well as he should be.

6:23 Claims back 3.

6:40 Proclaims this is the longest he’s gone without a drink since 2008.

7:55 Realizes he doesn’t have pants.

8:17 Wants wants to keep boarding. Is out voted.

8:26 Is really upset no one else wants to go hit the black diamond, but settles for margaritas instead.

8:30 Claims “only invert of the day” for his rag doll over a boulder.

9:13 Hits the breaks in front of Full Moon bar and grill (a strip club.) Suggests it may also have food.

9:19 Stops at McDonalds for a tide me over.

10:15 Asks “why would any one get the taco when you can get the super taco?”

10:22 Laments the small size of the water glasses at La Carreta

10:42 Discusses his own knuckles for awhile. We lose interest.


Tedore, Peter and half of Surrey BC.

At the risk of dating myself, I remember when there were so few snowboarders on the the hill that if you saw one you didn’t know, you’d go out of your way to say what’s up and take a run with them. It obviously isn’t like that anymore, especially at Baker on opening day, were the initial lift line snaked all the way out and around the lodge to the parking lot, and the majority of people were on snowboards. But I digress.


Baker bluebird!

We decided to try and outsmart the herd by taking chair 8* to the top, instead of the more logical 4-6 mess, which actually worked out well for us. There was no line and we took a lap on that side through, yeah, I’m gonna say it, the waist deep, uncharacteristically light pow. On our second ride up, we got on the chair with Zach, a stoked Canadian kid with a GoPro and an old forum board. I should also probably mention that “we” was myself, Sean Tedore and Peter Line, which may have been why Zach had waited to get on the chair with us. Peter, not me or Tedore.


Yeah, we were there. Photo: Zach Janz

Anyway, we wound up riding with Zach all day. Since Tedore has the knees of a 75-year-old man and Peter was suffering the effects of too many cigarettes and old age**, we were pretty full of gripes on the chair rides. We’d catch ourselves going off with some completely asinine complaint or arguing about which runs sucked, and then Zach would say something to remind us just how awesome this day really was. It reminded me of the good old days, making a new friend and just shredding all day. There really is something about Mt. Baker, that even during the opening day shit show, the old-time good snowboard vibes remain. Then again, it could have just been that we were with Peter.

Anyway, good shredding with you Zach and if you missed opening day due to work, school, or agoraphobia, you blew it. Baker is sick.

There was snow. Lots of it. And even a little bit of blue sky.

JRob and John Laing. Pretending to like each other.

Oh yeah, and they built a new lodge.

Post shredding stretching with Austen Sweeten and Austin Hironaka.

MMM. Beer. None for Sweetin though, little punk.

Here’s our mediocre GoPro Edit, or watch Zach’s POV right here, right now.

Or watch this much better edit from Snowboard Realms.

*Fun fact one: Chair 8 apparently derailed later that day and the people on had to be downloaded

**Fun fact two: All of Peter’s new boards got stolen out of his car by a Seattle crackhead so he was also riding an old board. Sorry Winkel.


Those chairlifts are a-turning. Photo: Ricky Hower

Technically Winter begins December 21, but for snowboarders, it starts as soon as the first snow flies — whether from guns or the sky — and we get to go snowboarding. Right? But in a magical place called Oregon, it’s almost like it’s always winter. In fact, snow permitting, Timberline reopens before it starts snowing, but after the summer camp-hype has gone away, in other words, it’s open on weekends, RIGHT NOW. Though powder is nonexistent and getting there is a hike, it’s worth every turn.


Just a buncha bros, riding in the middle of October. photo: Ricky Hower

Because it’s not really the season yet, and the summer camps are long gone, Fall may actually be one of the best times to hit Timberline. The biggest reason: no kooks. Imagine riding alongside only people who are as into snowboarding/skiing as you are. That’s Timberline in the Fall. Add in the fact that it’s often above the Oregon clouds (way better than a rainy day in Portland), and riding the Magic Mile is so damn pretty it’s something people pay to do even without ‘boarding once they get to the top, it’s a unique experience every one should have at least once.


They even have rails! Photo: Ricky Hower

If you’re in Oregon or considering make the trek, we offer a few quick tips for making the most out of your fall-boarding experience.

-Don’t get there until noon. There’s no powder. And the glacier will be a nice solid block of ice if you race up there for first chair. Chill out and wait until it gets good and slushy.

-Bring water. Much like summer, once you’re up there, you’re not coming down ’til the day is over, so bring whatever you’ll need. Fast laps on the Palmer Glacier are surprisingly dehydrating, and you can leave your stuff in the lift stand at the bottom of the Palmer chair. Same goes with sunscreen and extra gear.

-Dress warmish. It’s not summer anymore, but it’s also not winter yet. Don’t plan on rocking your hoodie when the wind is whipping across the glacier, but it can also heat up if the sun is out. Your best bet is to wear layers you can easily ditch once you get up there.


See those clouds, yeah, you might even be above them. Photo: Ricky Hower.

-Leave your expectations at home. The conditions change fast this time of year and just because there was a sweet ass jump on Saturday, doesn’t mean it will still be there Sunday. But chances are, if the lifts are running, there’s something worth doing up there.

-Buy a Fusion Pass. Not to sound like too much of a salesmen, but hot damn, the Fusion Pass is a good deal — probably the only pass in the country that gives you literally 8 months of shredding (plus you get to ride Ski Bowl in the winter.)

Now that Yobeat has grown into a multimillion dollar corporation and will soon be topping the Forbes 500 list, we’ve obviously had to expand. You’ve probably noticed our new intern popping up here and there, but we’ve also secured an office in the snowboard hotbed of Chicago. This weekend, while the underlings were covering a rail jam in Seattle, I hopped the private jet for liaison with Chicago’s top ad exec, Nick Lipton. We’re talking serious, high level executive shit here. JP-Walker-Hump-day, giant-ad-contract, Diamond-Donny-type business. Even though we’re charging things on our AmEx Black card these days, we haven’t forgotten about you, the little guy. In fact, we’ve decided to go where others dare not tread and fill you in on what really went down on the first annual Yobeat corporate retreat.

Saturday


6:00 am. Nick meets me on the curb, fully dressed, still up from last night.

6:30 am.  I get some sleep. Nick reads a book by candlelight.

9:30 am. Nick tells me taking a shower is ridiculous.

11:03 am. Brunch. Nick has his first drink, a bloody mary, Chicago-style, which means including a lot of meat.

11:56 am. Couch shopping.

11:57 am. Nick realizes he hadn’t had a cig yet.

12:01 pm. Nick makes a joke at intern’s expense.

12:17 pm. Nick announces he is going to take a shit.

12:19 pm. After some prep, Nick actually commences taking a shit.

12:22 pm. Nick texts me to tell me how good it feels.

12:25 pm. Nick has his first cig.

12:56 pm. Strategy meeting.

1:05 pm. Nick tells me to text Burton marketing girl that he would possibly like to make sweet love to her.

1:15 pm. Nick tells me I’m weird.

1:59 pm. Go to return 4-day-old redbox DVDs, Nick smokes a cig.

2:15 pm. I decide to teach Nick how to coupon at the Jewel-Osco. Discover they have booze coupons in Chicago.

2:30 pm. Nick tells me I need a hobby.

2:37 pm. Purchase 1 30-pack of PBR for $9.99, thanks coupons!

3:05 pm. Drink first beer while watching Ross Capicchoni’s survival story

3:27 pm. Nick talks me into getting a tattoo. Walk across the street to make appointment for later.

3:29 pm. Nick smokes cig

3:36 pm. Nick notes usually he would still be sleeping on a Saturday

4:34 pm. More conceptualization. Talk a bunch of shit.

4:36 pm. Nick exclaims, “I’m a diva motherfucker!”

5:33 pm. Go back to get my tattoo.

7:11 pm. My tattoo almost complete, Nick decides he wants a tattoo. Settles for a cig

8:20 pm. Dinner.

8:30 pm. Nick tells me not to blog everything that happens tonight.

9:20 pm. Snowboard gear photo shoot.

10:45 pm. Top secret executive stuff

Sunday


3:15 am. I find Nick passed out on a pile of snowboard clothes

9:55 am. Leave hilarious comments on snowboarding websites.

10:21 am. Commence hat test with a cig and bottomless bloody marys.

10:42 am. Editorial planning meeting. New idea: Yobeat personals. Target audience: nice, generous old men.

12:06 pm. Nick offers emotionally supportive device to a friend with possible cancer. “You can get a fake one.”

12:25 pm. Nick defeats me in a WWF grudge match at Best Buy

1:13 pm. Couch shopping

1:22 pm. Falafel stop at Sultans Market

1:55 pm. Watch SNL skits on hulu

2:08 pm. Commence actual product review filming

3:30 pm. Review first video. Nick realizes his own brilliance.

6:30 pm. Pizza.

7:15 pm. Super top secret mission to O’Hare international airport.

9:36 pm. Go to Nick’s cubicle to change for next test. Leo Burnett. 27th floor.

9:55 pm. Nick talks a man in $300 shoes into doing a kickflip.

10:39 pm. Beers at Rossi’s

12:28 am. Dinner. Old Style. Shots of Jameson.

1:58 am. Observe fight.

2:30 am. Realize there are 15 PBRs left.

3:00 am. Serious top level executive shit.

9:15 am. Nick wakes up. Goes to work.